A friend of mine came to me last week with great news that he has been offered an amazing deal to focus on his startup full time. It’s what he’s been working towards over the past year, but it would require him to give up a well respected, exciting job that he has (but has grown tired of). He knows that the deal in front of him is happening at the right time and just what he is looking for…but the idea of leaving his current job is risky and scary.

If Seth Godin were writing this blog post, I’m sure he wouldn’t fail to mention the resistance (or natural fear) that builds up when we’re just on the verge of diving into our creative genius. It’s there to remind us that we are scared of actually achieving the results that we claim we want. When an opportunity falls into your lap, whether it’s a startup or a new gig, it can be overwhelming and uncomfortable to decide what the best option is.

On top of that, identity can become so easily entwined with who we are when we’re used to being in a certain job, or living in a specific place, or dating someone. When you take that job, that city or that significant other out of your life, who are you? It’s a confusing place to be, especially when you have the luxury of choice (which so many people don’t even have in the first place).

So, how to make it? Our immediate reaction, or gut tells us so much about what we instinctively know to be true. But it gets more and more confusing as we start to rationalize, make pro/con lists and talk to our friends and family. What did we want in the first place?

I recognize that some decisions carry more weight than others, but I tend to remind myself what my intentions are. As I look at the life that I’m creating for myself, I ask, “Is what I’m doing aligned to my future vision?” If it’s not totally aligned but the immediate opportunity will make me happy and help to sustain myself, then I’m okay with sidetracking briefly. But if it’s going to take me off the road that I’m paving, then I have to say no and accept the consequences of my decision.

As one of my coaches once helped clarify for me, “no decision is a decision.” So use your choice wisely.

I recently heard a beautiful Hindustani Classical violinist play a sweet tune – which she said was a raga. It’s a type of melody that relies on a set of five or more musical notes, and to my surprise is supposed to be played at specific times of the day or in a certain season in order to have maximum impact.

I love thinking that a specific melody or tune at just the right time can evoke, and invoke a certain feeling or emotion that is perfectly fit for the season.  This idea reminds me of the beautiful Kol Nidre service (part of Jewish Day of Atonement) that I went to last week in DC, which took place outside among the trees. The band’s musical notes seemed to sweep through my body as though they were meant to lift me into the air. I felt so moved by the evening’s performance and it gave me pause to think about the beauty in the ritual of the ceremony and how the music inspired me beyond just the words in the prayer book.

Over this past year, I have sought inspiration in many places and from many different people, each one impacting me in a slightly different way. However, it seems as though each person appeared in my life at the exact moment that I needed them to appear. My raga is a collection of these individuals who have come in and out of my life, shaping and informing me in powerful ways.

As the seasons change, it’s the perfect time to think about what else is changing in our lives: nature is a powerful conduit for our emotional state. As time passes and we experience the cycle of life, we need to acknowledge what is before us.  According to Frederich Flach, a famous psychiatrist, “Each period of change is necessarily stressful, for it involves conflict between a powerful force that operates to keep things exactly as they’ve been, and another powerful force that commands us to move forward and embrace new conditions.”

While the tension of change can often be stressful, so too can the comfort in knowing that new beginnings are possible… and when better to make the shift, as the earth rotates and the days get shorter; a new raga is playing in the background.

A specific shout-out goes out to Eryn Schultz, who is excited about the fall harvest, and gave me some insight for this post. Also, thanks to the amazing concert by Nistha Raj and Chrisstylez Bacon who got me thinking about music and its harmony with the seasons.

At times, I look around me and realize that I have a life coach, a mentor, a personal trainer, a yoga guru, a group of surf instructors scattered over the globe and even a psychic! Sometimes I wonder if I’m overdoing it. Do I really need to visit a nutritionist to eat well? Or a personal trainer to help me work out more effectively? I know how to do all these things, yet I find myself asking others to weigh in and provide me additional insight or inspiration.

When is it appropriate to bring in an outside perspective or hire an expert to provide guidance?

First of all, it’s important to have an environment where it’s okay to seek help. As a young swimmer, my parents encouraged me to take weekly swim lessons and attend camps and workshops at my request. I took pride in learning from the top coaches and getting feedback on my swim technique. Secondly, I have had to understand my limitations and understand when it’s the right time to seek help. This is often challenging – acknowledging that there’s something you have to work on. And thirdly, it’s understanding the types of experts you need to bring in for the different facets of your life.

With the help of others and my insight, I am able to recognize when it is important to get professional advice and I want to share a couple of questions I ask myself before seeking “outside” help:

• Is this something you can talk or walk through with friends/family/coworkers? Do they have enough time to invest in your outcome and give you the full attention you deserve?
• Is this something you want to talk or through with friends/family/coworkers? Is unloading your issues and concerns going to negatively affect your relationship with them or have another unexpected consequence?
• Do your friends/family/coworkers have the right level of expertise to truly understand your issues (e.g. strategic promotions, work or relationship dynamics) or provide the appropriate level of guidance (e.g. personal trainers, yoga gurus)? Can they help you navigate the complex issues you’re facing or overcome any fear you have?

Over the coming months, as I continue to explore coaching as a tool to further define my life path and to help others find theirs, I want to thank my support group. No one can be successful on his/her own these days and I want to thank my wonderful network of individuals who have helped me along the way this year. I am truly grateful.

A specific shout-out goes out to Shelley Danner, who gave me the idea to thank people for editing each blog post; Luisa who sparked some inspiration in a SF coffee shop and my little bro Paul, who read this over Hawaiian breakfast.

On my way into Target, a canvasser stopped me to ask if I was a registered voter and oh, did I have a moment? Smiling I had said, “I’m in a rush” as I made my way into the store while he disbelieving (literally – he didn’t believe me) looked on.

There’s been a lot of dialogue over the past month given the June opinion article written on the ‘busy’ trap – which seems to indicate that we’ve brought upon this busy state by enrolling in activities and voluntarily entering into “obligations” that are really choices that we’ve made. I tend to agree that we often fall into these traps, but I also think that we are able to artfully set them at our own whim.

For me, there’s a delicate balance of “FOMO” (fear of missing out) – that feeling of dread when you know something is happening without you; it’s almost better not to have known at all. And then there’s activities that you choose to do and make a priority in your life. Sometimes work or relationships trump all, but at the end of the day it’s the priority that you’ve set.

I often feel that when I’m on the move, I must be making progress… that all the dozens of different activities that I’m engaged in have given me purpose as I go through life. Sometimes, even being in motion (on airplanes, buses and automobiles) gives me a false sense of growing wiser, more mature. Yet, in these moments, when everything seems to be happening, I feel as though I’m not truly there.  I know how to act and react, but I haven’t given myself the space and time to really think about my actions. It’s in the moments that I pause, reflect and give myself time to think that I find myself making true progress.

A gut feeling? Tight stomach? I’m not talking about Delhi Belly. This feeling is so raw, so carnal it’s hard to explain in rational terms, but it’s there and it’s true.

Speaking of Delhi, a friend of mine was camping in India a couple of years ago and he had the choice of two different fields – one was teeming with Indian family tents and the other was completely empty. Looking at the scene before him, he had a choice to make and decided to go with the empty field. The next morning he woke up only to find that the families from across the way were coming over to his campground and going to the bathroom right beneath his eyes. Not only did he “go with his gut” (which was wrong) but also he thought that the “grass was greener on the other side” (pun intended). Side note: he broke my travel rule of “always follow the crowd” but that’s another blog post.

What I want to express is that there’s a difference between acting on gut instinct and making a change because there seems to be a better option out there.  One is an acknowledgement and awareness that something is wrong and needs to be changed. The other is assuming that by jumping over the fence, there will be greater satisfaction. The two are often correlated together, but the latter is not always a solution for the former.

In most cases, I find that my friends and colleagues can tell when something is off in their lives and needs to be changed. However, it’s one thing to recognize this, but another to act on it. At the same time, I also find that they have unrealistic expectations about the change they’re going to make in their life – i.e. trying to find that high-paying, high-level, high-impact (and flexible) job… oh, and that perfect partner.

Things often look better from the outside but only you can know what’s right.  If things aren’t working, it’s important to recognize that and start to explore how you can move forward. But will you see it coming or wake up in a field of poppies overcome with the notion that you’ve made the wrong choice?

My former 12 year-old girl self was obsessed with swimming. Not only did she swim every day, she also attended clinics and studied leading technique tips.  She kept the list of National qualifying times in her school notebook and maintained a diligent journal documenting every swimming workout, daydreaming about standing on the Olympic podium with a medal around her neck as the US National anthem played in the backdrop. Her room was dotted with swimming medals and Swimming World posters of Olympians were tacked against her bulletin board.

When I look back at this girl, who literally sweat chlorine, I try to see through her horrific haircut and gangly limbs as I get a glimpse of her huge ambition and perseverance. Swimming was her obsession and her dream was to go to the Olympics.

In 1996, her mother decided to take her to spectate at the Olympic Trials at the famed natatorium at Indiana University – home of the great coach Doc Counsilman. The 12 year-old girl was in fantasy land – riding in a limo for the first time, watching her favorite swimmers Janet Evans and Summer Sanders, and running around to get her swim cap and kick board autographed by the likes of Matt Biondi and Amanda Beard.

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16 years later, I ask myself, where  did that girl go? What happened to her life pursuit when she realized that she was not going to achieve her Olympic dream?

As I attend my fifth Olympic trials, it’s still invigorating (and heartbreaking) to watch the top swimmers in the US fight to the finish line, with only thousandths of seconds separating the “haves and the “have nots.”  I’m just as excited to walk through the Aqua Zone and see my favorite athletes even though I never achieved my Olympic glory.  I don’t come to the Olympic trials to dwell on the fact that I did not achieve my childhood dreams -  rather, I come to the trials to experience a sport that I love. It reminds me why I spent so many years submerged under water.

Most importantly, I leave the Trials channeling my 12 year-old self. Not the one who runs after swimmers to get her autographs (okay, maybe sometimes), but rather the one who gets excited about something she’s passionate about and determined to make a reality. While my life goals have changed, the Trials help ignite that spark in me to chase my new dreams with the dedication I once had as a kid.

A friend recently started coordinating an alternative dining experience that allows people to become chefs in their own homes. He loves food and is a brilliant cook. Yet, he spends most of his time online coordinating the chefs, attendees and meals. This commitment to his passion has not allowed him to make a home cooked meal in weeks!

A colleague works for a human rights firm where she is advocating for peoples’ rights around the world. She’s so committed to the cause but she barely receives enough pay to sustain her life in DC. The work is demanding and the hours are long, but she believes in this cause so it’s worth it.

A leader in my organization is in charge of talent management – she’s expected to set the direction for leadership opportunities and foster a culture of diversity. Yet, she does not seem interested in making the time to foster emerging leaders (perhaps because she’s too busy setting the direction for the entire organization).

I’ve formed a couple of thoughts about these scenarios over the past couple of weeks:

1. It’s interesting to see why and how people’s passions are driven towards a specific topic – food, human rights, talent/leadership. What is it about these individuals’ backgrounds that has guided them towards these areas?

2. Passion can often be overwhelming in nature. As individuals are willing to put everything on the line and work late hours/compromise their life to achieve their goals, how far do they start to drift away from their original goal? Or when they finally achieve success, is it worth the struggle?

3. While I’ve encountered many individuals who are pursuing their supposed “passion,” how can there be a disconnect in their personalities and the work they do? Do the most successful people have an alignment of their personalty and the work that they do?

Think about your friends, family, colleagues… and yourself. Do you have a passionate pursuit? Are you pursuing it at any cost? And does it reflect who you really are and who you want to be?

Similarly, in the consulting world, there are innumerable options and it’s often analysis paralysis that causes us to list the pros and cons, talk to our mentors and consult other colleagues to determine what the best option is for us.  When it comes to choosing the next project, it can cause a “fight or flight” reaction to take place, literally – within a week, you can be off traveling to the middle of Kansas for the next year.  These decisions are tough ones and force us to re-examine our values – family, relationships, career goals, etc.

How can you go to sleep early when there’s an open role that you have to staff? What about the comment your client made in the middle of the meeting about the wording on slide 6 of the PowerPoint? How can you possibly fly to Kansas on Monday morning when you’ve finally scored a date that week?

I’m sure other industries can be equally demanding and challenging, but there’s definitely an excitement about the spice of life in the consulting world. It’s an incredible way to experience different industries and learn diverse business skills and if you like a life in motion, this is your Six Flags. When people ask me why I like the work I do, I tell them that what keeps me going is the people, the work and the travel.

However, despite all the opportunity, there comes a time (“in between” projects) when you have to make a serious decision about which project you’ll choose, which speciality you’ll pursue. You can strategize and socialize all you want, but you can only delay the reality of making up your mind to a certain point.  As the waiter makes her second round and your stomach is starting to rumble, if you want to eat tonight, you’re going to have to choose an entree.